BASTIAN IS HERE ✦ STOP SCROLLING ✦ BASTIAN IS HERE ✦ STOP SCROLLING ✦ BASTIAN IS HERE ✦ STOP SCROLLING ✦ BASTIAN IS HERE ✦ STOP SCROLLING ✦ BASTIAN IS HERE ✦ STOP SCROLLING ✦ BASTIAN IS HERE ✦ STOP SCROLLING ✦
THIS IS BASTIAN. DEAL WITH IT.
1
Hair has its own opinions. It also has its own weather system.
24/7
Aura level. Not measurable with current technology.
100%
Main character energy. Everyone else is an NPC.
0
Times he has blinked during this photo. Look at those eyes. He knows what you did.
∞
Number of times Bastian has been right. Do not argue.
1
Camera angle he accepts: directly from below. Always.
LOW ANGLE. HIGH STANDARDS. ✦ LOW ANGLE. HIGH STANDARDS. ✦ LOW ANGLE. HIGH STANDARDS. ✦ LOW ANGLE. HIGH STANDARDS. ✦ LOW ANGLE. HIGH STANDARDS. ✦ LOW ANGLE. HIGH STANDARDS. ✦
RULES.
01DO NOT TOUCH THE HAIR.
02HE IS ALWAYS FILMING FROM BELOW.
03THE BLUE SHIRT IS NOT A PHASE.
04"HUH?" IS A COMPLETE SENTENCE.
05YOU WILL NOT OUT-GRIND HIM.
BONK BASTIAN.
30 seconds. Hit him before he hides. Gold Bastian = 5 points. Miss = −1. No mercy.
SCORE 0BEST 030
Press start. If you dare.
THE BASTIAN CALCULATOR.
Certified 0% accurate. Do not use for chemistry tests.
BASTIAN-TRON 3000™
0
Ready to be wrong.
BASTIAN HAS BEEN STARING AT YOU FOR
0.0s
Bastian has not looked away. Neither should you.
NO ESCAPE ✦ NO ESCAPE ✦ NO ESCAPE ✦ NO ESCAPE ✦ NO ESCAPE ✦ NO ESCAPE ✦ NO ESCAPE ✦ NO ESCAPE ✦ NO ESCAPE ✦ NO ESCAPE ✦ NO ESCAPE ✦ NO ESCAPE ✦
